i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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