matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
