how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
