you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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