yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
