Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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