I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we made out on top of his cat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
