i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
