i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
