he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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