can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
