i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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