do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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