R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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