You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
