Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
