I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
