now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
