Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
