i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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