So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
