yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
