He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
