i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
