Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
