Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
