At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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