Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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