he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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