that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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