Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
