it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
