never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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