Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
