do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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