everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
