She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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