The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
