that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Houston, we have a blender
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
