I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
