You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
