Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who wears a wallet chain?!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
