Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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