i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
