Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
