I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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