But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
