More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize