I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
