just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
