Plan B is the new Plan A
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
