i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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