i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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