my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
