Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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