do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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