I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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