Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
