the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
