I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
