i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
