ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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