I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
