I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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