now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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