my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
