Christians are straight up FREAKS
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize